Strange or weird things you've done in the name of work?

El Presidente · Disco Brad

Strange or weird things you've done in the name of work?

Golcar CC · Bezalgo

For me. I had to count people at tube stations in London for an hour. Generally we'd turn up click the counter for 3 minutes - multiply by 20 and add 13 to make it look like we'd been doing aproper job and then sod off to the nearest pub

I wonder if that system would avoid being detected by Benford's law analysis.

It might well do.

In 1972, Hal Varian suggested that the law could be used to detect possible fraud in lists of socio-economic data submitted in support of public planning decisions. Based on the plausible assumption that people who make up figures tend to distribute their digits fairly uniformly, a simple comparison of first-digit frequency distribution from the data with the expected distribution according to Benford's law ought to show up any anomalous results.

Golcar CC · Bezalgo

El Presidente wrote:

We've all done some weird things in the past to earn a quid, tolar, dollar or Euro in the past.

My first coin ever was also counting people - entering Sheffield bus station. My sister was in charge of counting people leaving (not necessarily the same).

That's probably the reason I never visited Sheffield again until I was in my 30s.

In Rome I worked for a very very dodgy school where the manager had a sign above her door reading "Direction". Great. All their text books were photocopies, and all their students had "won" a language course in a special phone-based competition (only administration and registration fees to be paid).

I also did some recordings of me reading what I recall as pretty poor poetry by a quietly spoken man down the Nomentana. No idea why.

I was also paid 50000 lire for language services by a single older man from the Stock Exchange supervisory body. It was easy and pretty good money checking letters etc, but the gradually the work requirement was more along the lines of visiting a lake or the seaside and swimming. On that occasion I refused the money, thanked him for the excellent buffalo mozzarella, made my excuses and left.

However, I've never been given money by someone saying they "just wanted to talk", unlike a number of visitors to this site!

-- Edited by Golcar CC at 13:59, 2007-01-16

El Treasurorio · Senior Member

I once did some work....

Let me think. As a waiter in one of Cambridge's most exclusive Italian restaurants, I once removed a pubic hair from a plate of carpacio that our French chef had generously freshly plucked. He had taken offence that "ze beetch" to whom the dish was headed had complained her food was taking too long.

Many years ago while working for one of the world's largest engineering companies, I had to write up minutes of a meeting where aforementioned company decided to pay off a hugely rich jewish businessman to the sum of USD 25m so that he would keep quiet about us being totally useless. I wonder what the shareholders of said company would have thought, seeing as Isreali initially only wanted 1/3 of said amount...

El Presidente · Disco Brad

El Treasurorio wrote:

I once did some work....

Let me think. As a waiter in one of Cambridge's most exclusive Italian restaurants, I once removed a pubic hair from a plate of carpacio that our French chef had generously freshly plucked. He had taken offence that "ze beetch" to whom the dish was headed had complained her food was taking too long.

Many years ago while working for one of the world's largest engineering companies, I had to write up minutes of a meeting where aforementioned company decided to pay off a hugely rich jewish businessman to the sum of USD 25m so that he would keep quiet about us being totally useless. I wonder what the shareholders of said company would have thought, seeing as Isreali initially only wanted 1/3 of said amount...

Brilliant

I don't want to repeat some of the things I saw in kitchens (only cause I don't have time right now) but you have reminded me of some classics.

Angus · Veteran Member

My first job in Canada was changing lightbulbs and toilet seats for millionaire widows. My second job there was for a magazine, which turned out to be a mafia-run money-laundering operation. The company ended up in court in a 600 million dollar fraud case.

Other highlights include being a gardener in Transylvania, a lollipopman for a day in Sydney, a dish-pig - fired after two days, and a removal man - specialising in fine arts, antiques, hypodermic needles and used johnnies.

I regularly work in a skip, in call centres, and take part in psychological experiments for cash.

But the creme de la creme was at Glasgow's most notorious methadone clinic, where I ran the switchboard, and sold onions, broccoli, babymilk and incontinence pads to pregnant 14-year-olds and shell-suited man-beaters. The doctor said I should get a hepatitis injection in case a patient bit me.

El Presidente · Disco Brad

I knew you'd appear here eventually Angus

I must have tempted fate when I started this thread because while I was teaching a student tonight the following was the result.

My student is a very friendly Gynaecologist and midwife who occasionally needs to learn a few phrases necessary in that department of the hospital.

Tonight's question was "How do you say....?" then finished a couple of sentences in Slovene, to which I translated..

1) "Could you open your legs a little wider, please?"
2) " Could you lift your behind / bottom off the bed a little higher, please?"

It was the gesticulations and anatomical clarifications that made the experience more surreal. Still, I'm an old hand. No blushes from me, but I am still slightly startled at this unexpected deviation from my lesson on the Present continuous tense.

Golcar CC · Bezalgo

Angus wrote:

The doctor said I should get a hepatitis injection in case a patient bit me.

well, we've all been there man, I hear ya.

El Presidente · Disco Brad

El Treasurorio wrote:

I once did some work....

Let me think. As a waiter in one of Cambridge's most exclusive Italian restaurants, I once removed a pubic hair from a plate of carpacio that our French chef had generously freshly plucked. He had taken offence that "ze beetch" to whom the dish was headed had complained her food was taking too long.

By the way I love the fact that one of Cambridge's most exclusive Italian restaurants were using a French Chef.

El Treasurorio · Senior Member

El Presidente wrote:

By the way I love the fact that one of Cambridge's most exclusive Italian restaurants were using a French Chef.

Dominique was one of the best chef's in town. He came from France (obviously) when he was 18 to learn English and worked at St. John's college kitchen to earn some extra cash. Years later and after being promoted to head chef at the award winning Midsummer House, my old boss managed to poach him. A superb chef and amazing to watch him work.

Angus · Veteran Member

Did you watch him put his hands down his pants and pluck that one out, or was it merely a chest hair?

El Presidente · Disco Brad

I once worked in a restaurant called "One Atey Ate" - as its address was number 188. Anyway it closed down to a combination of incompetent management, bad location and other factors so it had kind of vansihed from my memory until now.

Once, the incompetent owner mentioned above, got talked into trying something new. A combination stripshow meal thingy (As you do?). Anyhow, he printed up all the leaflets booked the girl and proceded to wait for the magic debut performance. Anyway on the day...

No one turned up! So he grabbed the staff (about 3 of us) and his good mate ( a former runner-up at Wimbledon and a French open winner, no less - all true bizarrely) and we sat down to watch the show as he had already paid for it. Bloody hell! To use diplomatic language, she was minging. Kind of about 38 going on 50, breasts the size of pancakes and rather wrinkly leathery skin that had been way overexposed to the harsh Australian sun. One of the strangest days of "work" I've ever had to encounter.

Another "incident" at this particular dining establishment involved a relatively busy Friday night , with me and the Chef sweating away in the kitchen and 2 girls on the floor doing the waitressing duties. However, due to some offhand remark by one to the other, instant dislike was felt between the 2 of them. As the evening wore on, the tension increased and the Chef and I heard an almighty scream followed by the sound of a tray of glasses breaking. Then one of the waitresses came running in, clearly in distress stating that "that Crazy bitch was trying to kill her." Sure enough the other followed in looking rather intent on "sorting the little cow out" and the first one ran off into the night. Needless to say all but one couple left the restaurant, saying that it was one of the most entertaining evening thy had ever had. The restaurant closed its doors permanently about 3 weeks after and I'd completely pushed it out of mind until now.

-- Edited by El Presidente at 11:23, 2007-01-22

El Treasurorio · Senior Member

Angus wrote:
Did you watch him put his hands down his pants and pluck that one out, or was it merely a chest hair?

Indeed, I stood there in amazement and awe at the sight of our award-winning chef put one hand down his pants and pull out one of France's finest curlies. Perhaps this was an example of his secret ingredients that had won him so many previous accolades...

El Presidente · Disco Brad

I am currently proofreading a text about the University of Ljubljana and have just come across the line....

Recently a blowing orchestra has been founded

I'm sure you translators, English teachers and proofreaders among us must have some good ones to add here.

Golcar CC · Bezalgo

I'm still waiting for patronažne babice and sestre (home visiting midwives and nurses) to be translated as "patronising grandmothers and sisters attended the birth...

In reality the funniest thing I've ever translated/edited was not a language mistake but a complete cultural misunderstanding.

A person who had been in charge of the largest, nationwide construction project in the history of the small European country he came from had clearly decided, having more or less reached retirement age, that a nice eurogravytrain-quango-consultancy-position was just the thing to finish his career with and so was applying to an European Commission Directorate for a position along the lines of transport czar or traffic-infrastructure supremo.

However, his CV started by naming his parents, listing where they were born, where they met, where they got married before going on to describe his primary school ... career!!! He listed all the positions of responsibility he held including class president etc. Then he did the same for his achievements in secondary school. So despite being in his late fifties, two-thirds of his CV for this major EU position was taken up with his achievements as a promising teenager.

I was laughing my socks off at that one.