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El Treasurorio


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Was sent a classic link of Mackem jokes. Apologies for the old ones.

Q: What do you call a Mackem lass who has an abortion? 

A: Crime Stopper!
.............................
Bobby Robson was walking through Newcastle one Friday night. Three tarty looking girls approached Bobby. the first girl shouted, "Bobby, Bobby! Sign here!" and flung out her left breast. Bobby, being the gentleman that he is signed it. The second girl shouted, "Bobby! Sign here," and pulled up her rather short skirt and pointed to her groin. Bobby signed it, being the gentleman that he is. The third, more adventurous girl shouted "Bobby! Bobby! Sign here!" To which Bobby replied, "Get lost! Only Sunderland managers sign c***s!"
............................
Grow your own dope

Plant a Mackem
......................

Peter Reid is having trouble coaching his players to the standard of the Premiership, so he goes to see Arsene Wenger.  The Arsenal manager tells old Monkeyheed that he trains his players mentally as well as physically.  

He calls over Bergkamp and says, "Dennis, You are your father's son but not your brother.  Who are you?"

Dennis replies, "It's me!"

Arsene tells Peter to do the same to his players, so the next day in training, Reid goes up to Kevin Phillips and asks him the same question.  Kevin gets stuck, so Peter Reid tells him he can have the night to think of an answer.

Kevin is really worried so he decides to ask Julio Arca, him being a foreigner like Arsene and Bergkamp.  

Arca says, "Well that's simple. It's me"

So, the next day Kevin runs up to Peter and says, with a big grin on his face, "It's Arca, it's Arca"

And Reidy goes, "No, no, no, you stupid boy. It's Dennis Bergkamp!"
..............................................

There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, where upon a man got up and said that he could tell a mackem joke.

Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm a Sunderland fan."

The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."


.......................................

Q: Someone asked me the other day, what time do Sunderland kick off?

A: About every ten minutes I replied.


..........................................

Q: How did the Mackem find his sister in the woods?

A: Just Fine!!


.........................................

Q: The Sunderland team are on a boat to their end of season tour. Then the ship begins to sink for some reason. Who gets saved?

A: The nation.


........................................

Q: What do you throw a Mackem when he's drowning?

A: His wife and kids!


.........................................

Sunderland have just signed a top chinese international for 5 million pounds: WY ME


..........................................

Q: What's the difference between a Mackem Lass and a Kit Kat?

A: You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.


........................................

Q. What have the Mackems and a nappy got in common

A. P*** upfront and crap at the back.


.......................................

Q: How does a Mackem change a light bulb?

A: He asks the prison guard.


......................................

Q: Whats the difference between a toothpick and Sunderland?

A: A toothpick has more points.

.....................................

Q: How long does it take a Mackem lass to have a sh*t?

A: 9 months!


.......................................

The most popular car sticker in Sunderland:
"A dog is for life, not just for the honeymoon"


......................................




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El Treasurorio


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Shoking news today in our inbox: a collection of 800 Slovene jokes. Obviously a must read.

The thing is, is the publication of such a book a masterclass in irony?

biggrinbiggrin

-- Edited by El Treasurorio at 15:58, 2008-04-21

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paichukka


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Thought that was going to be a link to the "former greats" page...

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El Presidente


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paichukka wrote:

Thought that was going to be a link to the "former greats" page...



 We need to establish a committee that votes on the sending of those currently listed as active. For example, when does one such as DEM Ryan get shuffled from the Player Profiles section to the Former Greats to stand proudly next to the likes of Dave the Batsman #1? The player profiles section is seriously due a new Cabinet reshuffle :)



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a batsman who hits a lot of slogs. Derogatory.
Luxury


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Right, I vote myself onto that committee. At least one match needed for the deutschmark this season, or else it's relegation to former greats.

Joel D. Smith, on the other hand, surely merits bumping up onto the active list - he was a club stalwart last year.



El Presidente wrote:

paichukka wrote:

Thought that was going to be a link to the "former greats" page...



 We need to establish a committee that votes on the sending of those currently listed as active. For example, when does one such as DEM Ryan get shuffled from the Player Profiles section to the Former Greats to stand proudly next to the likes of Dave the Batsman #1? The player profiles section is seriously due a new Cabinet reshuffle :)





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El Presidente


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Luxury wrote:

Right, I vote myself onto that committee. At least one match needed for the deutschmark this season, or else it's relegation to former greats.

Joel D. Smith, on the other hand, surely merits bumping up onto the active list - he was a club stalwart last year.


El Presidente wrote:

 

paichukka wrote:

Thought that was going to be a link to the "former greats" page...



We need to establish a committee that votes on the sending of those currently listed as active. For example, when does one such as DEM Ryan get shuffled from the Player Profiles section to the Former Greats to stand proudly next to the likes of Dave the Batsman #1? The player profiles section is seriously due a new Cabinet reshuffle :)



 

 



 Does 4 games constitute Stalwartness? Agreed though. It shall be done. After he ****ted that legside 6 it was like he'd never been missing.



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Golcar CC


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What about us who are former, but perhaps only achieved the odd moment of greatness. Shouldn't there be rankings along the lines of former great, former trundler, former car driver, former actually quite rank, etc.

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paichukka


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Knackers to that. I will be moving heaven and earth to play as many games as possible this summer. And not breaking my ankle again.

And anyone who suggests that Dave the Batsmen 1 and 2 weren't greats, at least in the sense of epic storytelling material, has no place on the committe. Not sure about number 3 though...

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El Presidente


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paichukka wrote:

Knackers to that. I will be moving heaven and earth to play as many games as possible this summer. And not breaking my ankle again.

And anyone who suggests that Dave the Batsmen 1 and 2 weren't greats, at least in the sense of epic storytelling material, has no place on the committee. Not sure about number 3 though...


I'll never forget Dan's swift appraisal of the very original Dave the batsman. After looking fairly useless in the field, he finally reached the crease for his debut bat and his guard and stance clearly must have revealed a lot to Mr Ryan on the boundary line. "Don't think he'll be scoring a ton today then," he quipped to me.

He didn't - he fell exactly 100 runs short of that and was never seen again, despite starting a tradition that carried on all the way to Dave the batsman 2 (Ibbotson)

 



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a batsman who hits a lot of slogs. Derogatory.
El Treasurorio


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Appearing below is the conclusion of a recent exchange on ABC radio between the "Australian treasure" Major General Peter Cosgrove and a female interviewer concerning the General's proposed sponsorship of a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young
boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be
teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before
they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are
you?



The radio went silent and the interview ended.


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BackOfTheWrist


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^^^ yes. Australian news is normally a pretty classy affair.





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Luxury


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That really is quite disturbing. It's not our Tash is it?

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paichukka


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"Oooah, she's not good".

An apt comment indeed.

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Golcar CC


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There's a town not far from here called Bitche. Can anyone think of a good twin town for it?

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El Presidente


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Golcar CC wrote:


There's a town not far from here called Bitche. Can anyone think of a good twin town for it?



 C'e uno paese in Umbria che se chiama Bastardo.



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Luxury


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I'm sure you'll all join me in extending our warmest congratulations to the recently elected left-wing member of the Turkish Parliament, Mr Ufuk Uras, MP.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ufuk_Uras

Attachments
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El Presidente


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Luxury wrote:

I'm sure you'll all join me in extending our warmest congratulations to the recently elected left-wing member of the Turkish Parliament, Mr Ufuk Uras, MP.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ufuk_Uras



Thank you very much mr Luxury. That has just made my day.

Btw can you PM me the best e-mail address for you to send something with attachments on?



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a batsman who hits a lot of slogs. Derogatory.
joel


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Luxury wrote:

I'm sure you'll all join me in extending our warmest congratulations to the recently elected left-wing member of the Turkish Parliament, Mr Ufuk Uras, MP.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ufuk_Uras


biggrin

Poor, poor bastard.

 



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Golcar CC


Bezalgo

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Why do you all think it's so funny for someone to be a socialist?

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El Treasurorio


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Luxury, wonderful!

thank you!!!!

hahahahaha
biggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

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El Treasurorio


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Except for the Czechs, we haven't had many amusing incidents during Euro 2008. There is this gem though: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgKjC0lbHUc&eurl=http://www.24sata.hr/video/rafael-van-der-vaart-je-pustio-vjetar-na-utakmici/67673/?context=naslovnica&web_page_id=mai

biggrinbiggrinbiggrin 

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El Treasurorio


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We haven't had any Gary Glitter jokes, so....

(be warned!)


    Gary Glitter announced from his cell today that after he has
    served his time he and his family will be jetting off to Florida, USA to start
    afresh...
    He Said "As soon as I get out, I am going to Tampa with the kids"
   
    Q.  What sparkles like a diamond and is small enough to fit in a
    schoolgirl's ring?
    A.  Gary Glitter
   
    Gary Glitter and his girlfriend are in Blockbuster to hire a video
    for the evening. Mr. Glitter's girlfriend asks him what he wants to watch.
    he says
    "How about we get Aladdin ?".  His girlfriend says........
    "Can't we just get a video, you're in enough trouble already."
   
    Gary Glitter was on a ship with 100 boy scouts and 100 girl guides
    when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced "We're
    sinking!
    Everyone abandon ship!"
    Gary Glitter asked, "What about the children?"
    The captain replied, "**** the children!"
    Gary Glitter looked around eagerly and said "Do we have time?"
   
    What's the difference between greyhound racing and Gary Glitter?
    The greyhounds wait for the hare.
   
    What is the worst thing about being Gary Glitter?
    You have to go to bed before 7.00
   
    How do you know when it is bedtime at the Glitter residence?
    When the big hand touches the small hand
   
    Have you heard about Gary Glitter's New Book?
    It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing
   
    A young boy and Gary Glitter are out at night, walking towards the
    forest.
    The boy says, "It's dark! I don't like it! I'm scared!"
    Gary Glitter says, "You're scared! I've got to walk back out of
    here on my own!"
   
    Gary Glitter is sitting in his living room surfing the internet on
    his laptop. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and
    his girlfriend storms through.
    She screams, "You ****ing *******!" and she heads into the bedroom.
    Stunned, Gary flips off the computer and walks toward the bedroom,
    wondering, "Now what have I done?"
    Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase.
    He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist
    says that I
    should leave you and that you're a paedophile!"
    Gary responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for an 8 year old."
   
    Have you heard? Gary Glitter has pulled out of Children In Need...

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BackOfTheWrist


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AnneFrank.png

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